Thoughtful and entertaining aphorisms

Some clever workplace quotes here:

1. ‘Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.’ – Napoleon Bonaparte
2. ‘It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.’ – Muhammad Ali
3. I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around. – Homer Simpson
4. ‘Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen
5. ‘Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey
6. ‘Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels’ –Unknown
7. ‘What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.’- Phyllis Diller
8. ‘The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.’ –Robert Frost
9. ‘The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.’ – Denise Miller
10. ‘Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?’ – J. Paul Getty
11. ‘Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.’ – Homer Simpson
12. ‘Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.’ –Pablo Picass0
13. ‘Why join the navy if you can be a pirate?’ – Steve Jobs
14. ‘Failure is not an option-it comes bundled with the software.’ – Unknown
15. ‘The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind.’ – Joseph Stilwell
16. ‘Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.’ – Andrew Young
17. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?’ – Kin Hubbard
18. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.’ – David Letterman
19. There’s an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.’  – Peter Drucker
20. ‘By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.’ – Robert Frost
21. ‘Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.’ – Doug Larson
22. ‘Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it half-assed. That’s the American way. – Homer Simpson
23. ‘Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.’ – TS Eliot
24. ‘If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.’ – Benjamin Franklin
25. ‘Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.’ – George Burns
26. ‘Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.’ – Unkmown
27. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style.’ – Quentin Crisp
28. ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try management.’ – Unknown 
29. ‘Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.’ – Dilbert
30. ‘Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes. – Lewis Grizzard
31. ‘The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. – Oscar Wilde
32. ‘All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.’ – Aristotle
33. ‘Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes.’ – Henry Thoreau
34. ‘Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.’ – Unknown
35. ‘Right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.’ – The Office
36. ‘Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.’ – Benjamin Disraeli
37. ‘You never become a howling success by just howling.’ – Bob Harrington
38. ‘Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.’ – Joseph Heller
39. ‘Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.’ – Savielly Tartakower
40. ‘Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.’ – Earl Wilson
41. ‘I’m not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.’ – Franklin D. Roosevelt
42. ‘Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues.’ – David Ogilvy
43. ‘One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.’ – Bertrand Russel
44. ‘I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.’- Bill Gates
45. ‘Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.’ – Rita Mae Brown
46. ‘If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.’ – Woody Allen
47. ‘I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.’ – Abraham Maslow
48. ‘The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labour.’ – Wernher von Braun